A While

Soooo it's been a while since I last blogged. I'm getting bored with Facebook and want to renew my interest in this.
While I have nothing witty or inspiring to share at this time, I just wanted to renew my commitment to work on my blog.
This year is going to be a big year in my family. Jason is turning 40, Alayna is turning 16 and will start driving *AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH* , Emmalene will be going to her first year of girls camp and turning 12.
I am looking forward to an exciting year this year!

Tired of being Tired

I just need to vent for a bit, I know I'm being a baby. I think I've reached a point though if I don't get some of this out its going to fester inside of me. I'm so tired of being tired. I wish DH's work would pick up so I don't have to work so much. I'm tired of all the judgemental comments so let me just get this out of the way. On one hand, yes I feel like a bad mom because it seems like I'm at work more than I am home. Yes I feel like I'm missing out on my childrens lives. No I don't work so much to avoid my children or my husband.
I work right now to provide for my family. I work so much because I have no other choice. I try to be to as much as I'm able to with my with my kids, I would love to be able to be there more. I am faced with the difficult task of balancing work and family, the same as many other woman are. But my children know that I love them and that I would do anything for them. They know that they can come to me with any problem and I will do whatever I am able to do to help them. I may not a perfect mom, but I do my best. My children are my priority. Everything I do is for is for them. I'm not asking for anyone to agree with me but don't judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes and don't make comments about it unless you have something productive to add. Really I'm just done with all of it.
And I'm sorry I can't come to all the family activities....I'm not avoiding anyone, but to be honest if I have to choose between that and sleep, I'm gonna sleep. I don't get enough. Its nothing personal, please don't take it that way. I don't answer phone calls during the day, its because I'm sleeping. Think of how you would feel if I called you in the middle of the night....most likely you wouldn't answer either.
That's all... sorry if I offend anyone, its not my intent.

Police Officers

I just wanted to share an email sent to me by a very good friend, who is also a Police Officer. I'm a little late for Police Appreciation week, but honestly, I think every week should be Police Appreciation week. We may not always like what they do, or things they say, but very few people can do this job and do it well. I am fortunate to know some that do this job very well and I am grateful for them and their service to keep us safe.

Friends of the Wasatch Front Police K-9 Association Confessions of a Police Officer:

I am a cop. That means that the pains and joys of my personal life are often muted by my work. I resent the intrusion but I confuse myself with my job almost as often as you do. The label 'police officer' creates a false image of who I really am. Sometimes I feel like I'm floating between two worlds

My work is not just protecting and serving. It's preserving that buffer that exists in the space between what you think the world is, and what the world really is.
My job isn't like television. The action is less frequent, and more graphic. It is not exhilarating to point a gun at someone. Pooled blood has a disgusting metallic smell and steams a little when the temperature drops. CPR isn't an instant miracle and it's no fun listening to an elderly grandmother's ribs break while I keep her heart beating. I'm not flattered by your curiosity about my work. I don't keep a record of which incident was the most frightening, or the strangest, or the bloodiest, or even the funniest. I don't tell you about my day because I don't want to share the images that haunt me.

But I do have some confessions to make:

Sometimes my stereo is too loud. Andrea Boccelli's voice makes it easier to forget the wasted body of the young man who died alone in a rented room because his family feared the stigma of AIDS. Beethoven's 9th symphony erases the sight of the nurses who sobbed as they scrubbed layers of dirt and slime from a neglected 2-year-old's skin. The Rolling Stones' angry beat assures me that it was ignorance that drove a young mother to draw blood when she bit her toddler on the cheek in an attempt to teach him not to bite.

Sometimes I set a bad example. I exceeded the speed limit on my way home from work because I had trouble shedding the adrenaline that kicked in when I discovered that the man I handcuffed during a drug raid was sitting on a loaded 9mm pistol.

Sometimes I seem rude. I was distracted and forgot to smile when you greeted me in the store because I was remembering the anguished, whispered confession of a teenager who pushed away his drowning brother to save his own life.

Sometimes I'm not as sympathetic as you'd like. I'm not concerned that your 15-year-old daughter is dating an 18-year-old because I just comforted the parents of a young man who slashed his own throat while they slept in the next bedroom.

I was terse on the phone because I resented the burden of having to weigh the value of two lives when I was pointing my gun at an armed man who kept begging me to kill him. I laugh when you cringe away from the mess in your teen's room because I know the revulsion of feeling and smelling a heroin addict's apt when I show up for a domestic dispute, the place is so full of garbage you can't even walk through it, and to be further repulsed knowing that children live in it...and think it's normal.

If I was silent when you whined about your overbearing mother it's because I really wanted to tell you that I spoke to one of our high school friends today. I found her mother slumped behind the wheel of her car in a tightly closed garage. She had dressed in her best outfit before rolling down the windows and starting the engine.

On the other hand, if I seem totally oblivious to the blood on my uniform, or the names people call me, or the hateful editorials, it's because I am remembering the lessons my job has taught me.

I learned not to sweat the small stuff. Grape juice on the beige sofa and puppy pee on the oriental carpet don't faze me because I know what arterial bleeding and decaying bodies can do to one's decor.

I learned that nothing given from the heart is truly gone. A hug, a smile, a reassuring word, or an attentive ear can bring an injured or distraught person
back to the surface, and help me refocus.

And I learned not to give up EVER! That split second of terror when I think I have finally engaged the one who is young enough and strong enough to take me down taught me that I have only one restriction: my own mortality.

One week in May has been set aside as Police Memorial Week, a time to remember those officers who didn't make it home after their shift. But why wait? Take a moment to tell an officer that you appreciate their work. Smile and say 'Hi' when he's getting coffee. Bite your tongue when you start to tell a 'bad cop' story. Better yet, find the time to tell a 'good cop' story. The family at the next table may be a cop's family.

Nothing given from the heart is truly gone. It is kept in the hearts of the recipients. Give from the heart. Give something back to the officers who risk everything they have. 'Loyalty above all else, except honor...'

Lessons I hope to teach my kids before I die..in random order...

A lot has happened this past year that has caused me to look back at my life and wonder what kind of legacy I would leave for my kids if I were to die today. Now I don't plan on doing that anytime soon. But there are some important things I have learned in my life and I hope I have time to teach them to my kids... some religious, some just basic decent human skills. So I have decided to share them here, in hopes of keeping track of them and being able to put my thoughts on paper. Hopefully one day my kids will appreciate all of this.
Lesson #1 Empathy
Probably one of the greatest and hardest lessons I learned from my mom is to always look at the other persons point of view. I think people get empathy and sympathy mixed up. Sympathy is feeling bad for someone, for what they are going through. Empathy, basically, is being able to look at a situation from the other persons point of view. To be able to see a situation as someone else sees it is very hard to do, but my mother constantly tried to get us to do this as we were growing up. It's very hard to be mad at someone when you can see things from their perspective. But I have noticed as I do this I am less likely to judge them and more likely to love them. Now don't get me wrong, sometimes I don't want to see things from their point of view. Sometimes I want to be mad. But this has been ingrained in me so much it's hard for me to not have empathy for others.
Why do I think this is important? Well, it ties in with another lesson....
Lesson #2 Forgivness
When you can see something from someone else's perspective, it is easier to forgive them. One thing I have realized is that forgiveness is not for the person that has hurt or offended me, it is for me. I am a better person when I am able to forgive someone, whether they ask for it or not. I hate being mad at someone or having ill feelings towards others, I feel like it is a poison inside of me and why would you want a poison inside of you? I look at others in my life who refuse to forgive others and they are very sad and bitter people who constantly blame others for where they are in life. I don't want to be like that. I want to be the kind of person who has control of my own life, regardless of the choices that other people make. I just simply refuse to be the kind of person that let other peoples actions dictate the person I am. And I want my children to be the same way.

Children

I have found that the older my children get, my relationship with the Lord has changed. When they were small, I know I have spent countless hours on my knees, praying for guidance in how to raise them. Most of my prayers were centered on me, on me learning what I need to, to be able to teach them how to be good people when they grow up, for me to have patience, for me to be more kind, more loving. Now, I find myself spending countless hours on my knees praying for guidance for them. As they grow older and start making their own decisions, I know I can't force them to do what I do, believe what I believe. So I plead with the Lord that He will stay a constant influence in their lives, that He will help them remember what they have been taught. The hardest thing I have experienced as a parent is watching my children make their own decisions and then have to suffer the consequences of bad decisions. And I know the only thing I can do is pray, set a good example for them, and love them unconditionally as I know the Savior loves each of us. Even though He may not like the decisions we make, especially ones that take us away from Him, He still loves each of us. His arm is still stretched out to us. His grace and mercy is still extended to us if we will just take it. This is my prayer for my kids, that they will realize this also and choose to stay in His loving presence.

Jenna vs Snow White

Jenna found many comparisons to herself while watching Snow White.

While the mirror was describing Snow White- "Mom, that sounds just like how I look!"

Anytime Snow White was talking to the animals= "Mom, I love animals and they love me too!"

When Snow White layed down to take a nap- "She is getting her beauty rest, just like me!"

The first time Snow White was referred to as a Princess- "Mom, I'm a princess too!"

on Doc- "He's smart like me!"

on Dopey- "He's funny, just like me!"

on Happy- "He's happy and smiley, like me!"

on Sneezy- "He sneezes a lot, like I do, huh Mom?"

on Sleepy- "I'm only sleepy when I need my beauty sleep."

on Grumpy and Bashful- "They aren't like me at all!"

Haha, at least she has a healthy self esteem!

Emmalene

Well, yesterday was Emma's birthday. I can't believe that she is 10 years old. So much happened and I look at her and realize what a miracle she is. Many people do not know everything that happened during her pregnancy and what it took to get her here.
It started when Jacob was 2 weeks old. Jason woke up one day and said "I had a dream about a little girl with dark hair and blue eyes, and I think we are suppose to have her now." Well, as you can imagine with a 2 week old, I laughed it off. But he kept talking about it and it became a point of contention with us. I finally said " There is no way the Lord is going to ask me to have another baby, so soon after s having another." To which Jason countered with "Have you prayed about it?", which I did so sure that I would be proven right. Well I was wrong and I came to know that this little girl was suppose to come to our family. But it took over a year and a miscarriage till I was finally pregnant.
During this time we had made a move up to Lyman, Wyoming. The only family around was Jason's Aunt, whom at the time I did not know very well. The closest Dr was approx 45 minutes away in Evanston. I was automatically considered high risk because of my previous 2 pregnancies and the closest high risk Dr was in Salt Lake, just over 2 hours away. I was put on light bedrest at the very beginning because of my history. Bedrest is hard with a 4 year old and 2 year old. I soon became very ill and was hospitalized due to dehydration and losing 15 lbs in a month. I was in the hospital for 5 days and the day after I was released I started bleeding. At first they said it was a popped vessel by the cervix and would stop bleeding within a few days, however days turned into 2 weeks. They said the bleeding had moved up by the placenta and was causing it to detach. By this point, Emma had stopped growing, and was measuring 2 weeks behind. The Dr in Evanston told me to abort her. He said that for her to go that long without growing showed a serious problem and that IF she was born, she would be physically and mentally disabled and that I would not want to saddle myself with a child like that. He gave me a less than 10% chance of having her at all. I remember sitting there in disbelief, first that I may not have my baby, and second that the Dr was advising me to get an abortion. I walked out of the office with Jason and said "Take me to Salt Lake, to Cottonwood Hospital." I wanted another opinion. Just prior to us leaving I asked Jason for a blessing. In that blessing I was told, not that everything would be ok, but that this specific trial was being given to me for a reason, and that in order to have my baby I would need to totally rely on Heavenly Father and not on the Dr's, and that if I had complete faith in Him, I would have my baby and she would be whole. It seems easy enough to believe. Then we went to Salt Lake. The ER Dr, after doing an ultrasound, advised me to go see a high-risk specialist. He said he didn't see how I was going to have this baby, but they were not equiped to deal with the problems I was having. When Jason pressed the Dr for more information he said that my placenta was approx 7 1/2 cm by 5 1/2 cm, roughly the size of a tennis ball, that the hemmorage behind the placenta causing it to detach was 7 cm by 5 cm. Basically only 1 cm of the placenta was attached.
An appointment was made for me the next day to see the specialist and after reviewing all of the tests and ultrasounds he told me that there was no way I would be able to see the pregnancy any further, but that he would make me as comfortable as possible until I lost the baby. I went home devastated and confused. My Bishop came over that night, to see if there was anything he or the ward could do. Already the Relief Society had stepped in and were taking care of my children and cleaning my house. He gave me another blessing and repeated what was said in the first blessing, that if I had faith in the Lord, I would have my baby. I would recieve that blessing, verbatim, 3 more times but 3 different people, none of whom were present at any of the other blessings. I then became determined to build my faith in the Lord. I wanted this baby more than anything, even knowing that she could have physical or mental disabilites. I found things to do that would increase my faith which included reading the scriptures and other uplifting books, listening to uplifting music. I made a gratitude list, and went over the things I was grateful for each day and tried to add something new everyday. I tried to stay positive. For about 4 weeks the hemmorage stayed the same and she still was not growing, but she was still there. The Dr's were amazed, I was seeing 2 at this point. But they still cautioned me about the physical and mental problems that she would be born with. At this point, she had not grown for 6 weeks.
Around the 7th week I went in for a checkup and ultrasound. The Dr was unsually quiet and then brought in another Dr to look at the ultrasound. She had grown and the placenta was starting to re-attach. It was nothing short of a miracle. Soon every week the Dr noticed more and more of the placenta re-attaching and she was growing. The Dr said he had never seen anything like this and started calling her his miracle baby everytime he saw me. Every week he was amazed at her growth, in a short time she caught up to where she was suppose to be and then she started measuring bigger.
About the time the Dr declared the placenta to be fully re-attached, he also noticed I was starting to dilate. Yep, I was in pre-term labor. It was a problem I had with my other kids. I was 26 weeks along at this point. So, while I was hoping to be taken off of bedrest, I was not. Still down.
I made it to 35 weeks, when they did an amnio to determine if her lungs would be developed enough to be born, and amazingly they were.
Now here is the miraculous part Emmalene Charity Bishop was born 5 weeks early weighing in at 7 lbs 3 oz and 20 1/2 inches long. She had no sign of being born pre-mature and had no physical disabilities. Time would tell about anything mental. We were cautioned to not get our hopes up. According to the Dr's there was no way she would have suffered during the pregnancy the way she did and not have any side effects.
Well 10 years later I am happy to report there have been no side effects from her traumatic pregnancy. She is in the honors program at her school. She is bright, loves to read, has a natural ability to play the piano and sing. She is beautiful, happy and very tender hearted. She has a huge heart and is very sensitive to the feelings of those around her. She is truly my miracle child and I am so grateful that the Lord blessed my life with her. There are times I wish I could take her to the Dr that told me to abort her and let him see what a miracle she is.

It's been a while!

So it's been a few months since I have been on! I got a little addicted to facebook, and man, life is just busy! Alayna turned 14 and started 9th grade. That's technically High School. Am I really old enough to have a child that old?
Jacob turned 12 and was ordained a Deacon. I didn't realize how unprepared for that I was. He also started 7th grade. Again, I knew that was coming but was very unprepared for that.
Emma is getting ready to turn 10. She has proven to be my ditzy child, by sticking her hand in the blender when her brothers dared her to do so. Aaarrggghhhh! Luckily she still has all her fingers accounted for. The blades did slice through one of her fingernails a few times.
Ammon turned 8 and was baptized on the 4th of July. It was a great day! We had a large family BBQ afterwards and it was so much fun.
And finally Jenna started Kindergarten. My last baby to start school, and yes I cried!
We also went camping this year, our first time in a while to go camping. It was a lot of fun, good family time. I will write more about that later. Over the next week I am going to spend time on memorable events in our family. We are getting ready to celebrate our 15 year anniversary in less than a week. I am going to try to get some pictures downloaded of our family through the year. I am so excited for this anniversary. It's a huge milestone for us.

On a side note on the weight loss, nothing new. Money has been tight, so the diet got put on the backburner. So I haven't lost anything, I think I have gained 3 lbs, but that's all. I'm going to be going back on my diet this week. So wish me luck!

Out of the mouth of Babes

Ok so my kids have been making me laugh over the years so I thought I would share some of the things they say.

On Marriage

Jenna: Mom, why won't you let me and Tristan get married now?

Mom: Because you are only 5 and Tristan is 6. You are too young.

Jenna: But we want to get married.

Mom: Well, where are you going to live?

Jenna: On Mondays and Tuesdays at Tristans and the rest of the week with you.

This is from when my 2 oldest was 4 and 2 on the difference between girls and boys

Alayna: Jacob, am I a girl or a boy?

Jacob: A girl!

Alayna: Very good!!

Jacob: What does that mean?

Alayna: (putting her arm around his shoulders) Well, that means I am always going to have to worry about you doing stupid stuff, just like Mom worries about Dad!

When Emma was about 5, I asked her to pick up the halls and stairs. Her response:"You treat me like I'm Cinderella!"

When Ammon was 3

Ammon: Mom, will you tickle(scratch) my back?

Mom: Of course

Ammon: Ahhhhhhhh! This is just like eating a burritto!

On what Faith is

Aunt Tansy: Who know's what Faith is?

Jacob:(raising his hand) I do! It's a tractor!

Aunt Tansy: A tractor?

Jacob: Yeah, you said Faith could move mountains so it has to be a tractor!

Random Thoughts

So, i joined facebook recently. I know I gave into peer pressure. And I have found a lot of friends from High School which is really cool. But I swear I think I was the only one that got out of High School, got married and started having kids. Or at least one of a very small handful of friends that did that. Most peoples oldest kids are around the age of my middle child which is 9. It makes me feel so old.
Otherwise I'm not sure what to think of the whole facebook thing. It has some games, which I have tried out, but don't much understand the point of them. Some quizzes, which are just plain silly. And you can update your status, which can be fun sometimes, but it makes me feel obligated to put something creative on there, and lets face it I am too sleep deprived to be creative most of the time. But it is something to occupy my time in the middle of the night while I try to stay awake.
I seem to have more friends that leave me little notes on facebook than on this blog so now I am trying to decide if any of this is worth it, or if I should get rid of it all and go back to my online journal that is just for little old me. I mean even my mother who tells people that I have a blog, doesn't read it. Instead she asks me what I have put on it lately and then says, good job. What's that about?
So that is where I am at. To blog or not to blog? That is the question.

Also on a side note, my weight loss total is 71 lbs. But it seems to have stopped so I need to figure out how to kick start it again. I have about 40-45 more lbs to lose.

Bragging Time

My oldest daughter is the most amazing artist. I am so jealous because I can barely draw a stick figure. Here is a picture she drew for me. She didn't trace it. To me, it's just absolutely amazing!!!

Things that irritate me

I love my children. Really I do. But I cannot stand it when they fight. It starts from the moment they walk into the door from school, and lasts sometimes past bedtime. It mainly comes from both of my sons. They both love to tease and torment their sisters. Could someone please explain to me what is so fun about making someone else cry???? And lately it seems like all they want to do is fight. AARRRRGGGHHH!!!

Weight Loss

I am not doing so good on losing weight lately. Well, I lost 1 lb in a 2 week period. But I guess the good news is I haven't gained anything. I am just maintaining right now. I haven't put forth a good effort into my diet lately. I have just had a million things going on between birthdays, weddings, programs, more sick kids and working a ton. So, while I am sad I haven't really lost anything, I haven't gained either and that makes me happy. It shows me that I can do this, and after I lose all the weight I want, I can keep it off during stressful times. I haven't fallen back to any bad habits such as betos, or raiding the vending machine at work during the middle of the night for chips and chocolate. I haven't had a Diet Coke since the end of January, and Diet Coke was by big time stress reliever. So, I have to say, I am proud of myself.
My total weight lost to date is 65 lbs.

Graduation

Well, we knew this day would come, but we didn't think it would come so soon. Our youngest has graduated...from preschool that is. It was a pretty traumatic day for her. Even though we got the calander marking the last day of preschool and we talked about it, she was totally unprepared for preschool to end. While the kids were outside, the teacher talked about how much she would miss the kids and started tearing up. She said normally she doesn't cry until after all the kids have left, but Faith started crying in class and that got her started. They were talking about how they would have new teachers and noticed tears streaming down Faith's cheeks. Faith said she didn't want new teachers, she wanted to stay with them. AWWWWWW! I said that's nothing, she has been crying everyday since you sent the calander home. I am happy to report she is crying less. She still mentions her teachers daily, but we are trying to get her more excited for kindergarten. Seems to be working.

Birthday Chaos

My 2 youngest childrens birthday's are a week apart. So I got the brilliant idea to throw a double birthday party for them. We chose a local skating rink

that also has a bounce zone,
a jungle jim

and laser tag, because of course kids of all ages like these things. I figured, I would get this overwith at once, I wouldn't have to clean up and both my children would be happy. So after 10 8-9 year olds and 6 5 year olds showed up, the party began. It all started out innocent enough with everyone sitting down to eat pizza. The kids were good, happy, enjoying pizza and all was well with the world. After pizza we turned them loose. Now we had a few adults there, as well as older children to help keep track of all the kids, because I knew they would not stay together. But the mother in me, had to know where every child was and that there were no kids sneaking outside or into other peoples parties. So I spent the majority of the party, walking from area to area trying to keep track of all these kids. I think I got my 10,000 steps in for the day during those 3 hours. I helped smaller children go to the bathroom, locate lost shoes, pick up kids who fell on their skates until it was time for cake. YAY!!!


All in all, it was a good party. Kids left happy, with everything they came with, minus presents, there were no injuries, and noone was lost. My children got presents they loved and had a great time with all their friends, cousins and sibilings. Thanks to everyone that came.

JJ

A friend of mine has the cutest little boy. He was born with an Omphalocele. His liver was born on the outside of his body. He will be 3 in August and has been waiting to be a good size so that he can have his closure surgery. He finally has reached that, but now they are without insurance to pay for it. Please check out his blog, and if you can do anything to help, even and especially prayers, I know they would be grateful.
www.teamhelpjj.blogspot.com

Weight Update

I haven't gone and weighed in yet, but according to my home scale, I am have lost a grand total of 59 1/2 lbs. YAY!!!!
Weight Loss Tip- Exercise withing an hour of waking up. You burn more fat if you start of eating protien and exercising within that first hour.

America, The Beautiful

My oldest son had the opportunity to participate in a concert with 11 other schools from our state, at Symphony Hall. The final song that all the schools sang was America the Beautiful. There were at least 500 students, maybe closer to 750. There is only one school that you can see on stage, the rest are sitting in the first 20-30 rows in the audience. It brought tears to my eyes, to hear our children singing this song. During a time, when it seems our country is struggling, this song helps me to remember, how blessed we are to live in America. I am so grateful for the Freedoms we have here, and know that we have them because of the men and women that fought for our freedoms and died for them. Both my Grandfathers served in WW2, my father was in the Army, my husband in the Marines, and my youngest brother currently serves in the Navy. How grateful I am for men like them, that are willing to defend the freedoms that God intended this country to have. I only got half of the song, before my battery died, but I hope you can feel the love and reverence for our country that these children sang with.

OH MY!

This is what happens when you let dad dress the kids for school. I don't know if you can see it well in the picture, but the shirt is turquoise with stripes of hearts of different colors, the too short shorts are blue, with like a pink wash and flowers, and the shoes, are light blue, not turquoise. Her hair is in the same do it was the night before, just the back brushed and pulled back and some pink and purple flowers added. Isn't it lovely?

Weight Update

Well, I weighed in today. I have lost a total of 54 lbs in 12 weeks. My new jeans that I bought a month ago, are now fairly loose on me. I am so excited. When I started this diet I really didn't believe that I would even be able to lose this much. I still have quite a ways to go, and I know that the more I lose, the harder it is going to get. But my eating habits have changed so much, so I actually have hope that I can meet my goal. Maybe not by the time I want to, but I believe I will reach it.
I have come to realize that I don't eat when I am sad or happy, but when I am stressed out and tired. Working graveyards it is very easy to eat to stay awake, but now I make sure I stop eating by 4 am, which is about 4 hours before I go to bed. This has made a huge difference.